So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
