I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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