Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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