I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
