Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
