Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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