I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
