can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
