Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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