i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
