im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The struggles of a small town man whore
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
