Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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