I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
