Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
