hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
