Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
