Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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