Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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