I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
