So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
