so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize