if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
