Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
