Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
