i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
