I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
its liver damage thursday
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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