Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
