it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
