Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize