Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
