so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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