i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
