I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
