Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
