nut hugger
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
