he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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