here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
