i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
