I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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