I bet he comes in French.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
