i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We are all done wearing pants today
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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