If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
