I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
