For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
