Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize