Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
