I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
