And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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