i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
