"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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