She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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