alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
