he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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