uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
