i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
His nipple licking is glorious
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