im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
