Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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