WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
