How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
