if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
