Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
