i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
