She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
