Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize