i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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