You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
