The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize