i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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