Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
