i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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