I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
