Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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