i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
