I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
