FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
