We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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