It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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