and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
