I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you had me at cake vodka
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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